12-13 My dear friends, what I would really like you to do is try to put yourselves in my shoes to the same extent that I, when I was with you, put myself in yours. You were very sensitive and kind then. You did not come down on me personally. You were well aware that the reason I ended up preaching to you was that I was physically broken, and so, prevented from continuing my journey, I was forced to stop with you. That is how I came to preach to you.
14-16 And don’t you remember that even though taking in a sick guest was most troublesome for you, you chose to treat me as well as you would have treated an angel of God—as well as you would have treated Jesus himself if he had visited you? What has happened to the satisfaction you felt at that time? There were some of you then who, if possible, would have given your very eyes to me—that is how deeply you cared! And now have I suddenly become your enemy simply by telling you the truth? I can’t believe it.
17 Those heretical teachers go to great lengths to flatter you, but their motives are rotten. They want to shut you out of the free world of God’s grace so that you will always depend on them for approval and direction, making them feel important.
Reflection
Has this ever happened to you?… You’ve been in conversation with someone, perhaps some tension is building, then you or they say some fact that causes the other party to become defensive, accusatory, and lose all sense of reason?
My husband and I recently had an argument. Then later, when we had both cooled down and were talking through what happened, trying to find understanding and solutions, I brought something up that had been bothering me. I described what usually happens, and my feelings associated with it, and after a minute of thought he said, “You know, that is probably true because as you said that I felt a flash of defensiveness that doesn’t seem to have any justification.” From there the conversation continued, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget the processing and reflecting of that reaction out loud. It was so meaningful to me!
First of all, I’ll say it, I’m proud of us for marriageing so well. Go team!
Second… WHY DO WE DO THAT?!? It’s clearly a universal and innately human thing we all do!
Paul says, “…have I suddenly become your enemy simply by telling the truth?” and, “Those heretical teachers go to great lengths to flatter you, but their motives are rotten.” It’s just so pertinent.
Fun Fact… with studies about this subject, this reaction is related to confirmation bias. It’s a psychological response for us to dig our heels in when someone presents a fact that opposes our belief.
So what do we do with such information? Well, we can use it to improve our own emotional intelligence, practice reflection and processing before speaking. A big portion of a healthy conversation around fraught topics is acknowledging the other persons’ feelings. Helping them feel understood and that they have valid concerns. Then, we should practice asking questions to encourage some critical thinking and help the other party find their own way to the factual truth rather than the “truth” that’s actually misinformation.
Considering these ideas from a spiritual standpoint, maybe the ability to slow down your
reactions, take time to process and reflect, create space for Grace to exist in the conversation, makes us a better Christian. The intention, the practice, the meditation, hones our abilities to live like Christ.
by Ashley Bowler
For Pondering and Prayer
What are some subjects in your life that cause defensive or accusatory responses? Why does this subject bother you so much? Is there some truth in there that opposes a belief that needs to be reevaluated?
Who in your life do you wish you could talk to about something but the conversation is always derailed by hostility? What questions can you ask to guide their thinking toward factual truths?
Prayer: Lord, in moments of tension, when emotions rise and defenses flare, remind us to pause– to reflect, to listen, and to make space for Your grace. Help us resist the urge to dig in our heels and instead open our hearts to understanding. Guide us as we learn, relearn, and teach others to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slower still to become angry. May we never forget that in making space for grace, we make space for You. Amen.
