21 Many plans are in a person’s mind,
but the Lord’s purpose will succeed.
Reflection
I am a person who always needs a plan, and a back up, and another back up. “Going with the flow” was never something the Bowlers did and it’s not my instinct to do.
Enter my husband. When I ask him what his plan is, he says, “eh, we’ll figure it out.”
I used to recoil at such a statement, but now I just roll my eyes.
Even so, I knew better than to have a rigid birth plan as I was expecting my first baby. I knew that these things just happen according to what Mommy and Baby need… but an emergency C-section was certainly NOT what I was expecting.
I was in week 37 of 40 when I got really sick, I couldn’t get out of bed, I had a fever, it was maybe one in the morning when my symptoms worsened and we decided to go to the Emergency Department. We were alone in California at the time and this was 2020. No part of seeking medical attention was easy or quick.
We got there and I checked in, but I had to go in alone, which was terrifying. After a few hours there was a diagnosis and a plan. I would be fine, but they wanted to keep me overnight for observation, just in case.
Many uncomfortable hours later, I finally got transferred to a room in obstetrics, and I’m not there more than 15 minutes when my water breaks.
I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS! I called my husband, so he is now making this 45 minute trip a third time, poor guy. But I am still panicking and the nurse has no patience for my big feelings. I didn’t know what to do so I called my parents, hoping to hear from my mom, but my dad answered instead. Mom was already asleep in bed because at this point it was like 10:00 pm in New Hampshire. I was panicking and crying to my dad on the phone that I’m not ready and Husband’s not here and I don’t know what to do and he replies, “Ashley, you’re already at the hospital. [Husband] will be there soon, you’re right where you need to be.” And he was right. I calmed down a bit then, and further when Husband arrived. But the fun wasn’t over yet…
I was feeling better, and honestly, the contractions were not all that bad. A nurse had come in to tell me they were changing shifts so nobody would be in to check on me for a while, but to use the call button if I needed anything. When I did use the call button to communicate a need to the desk, a new nurse came in to check on how things were progressing and realized something was amiss. She demanded an ultrasound machine and quickly verified her fear that Baby was breech. My body was trying to push her out the wrong way and this just became an emergency.
My birth plan was literally “I don’t want to have a C-section,” and now I was getting an emergency C-section. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS!
Baby was delivered just fine, I heard her tiny cries and saw her tiny body, and then she was swept away. At this point I started having a bad reaction to everything that was going on and the anesthesiologist put me under completely.
Some hours later I woke up in the recovery room with a few nurses who were very kind and happy to get me to see my baby. Apparently, I had given everyone a bit of a fright.
As much as I remember of the experience, so much of this is blurry and unknown to me. None of it was what I had expected. Everything turned out to be just fine. I just had to let go. Really, I was forced to let go.
God took care of us. Even though I was scared, even though the house wasn’t clean, even though we never really got the hang of breastfeeding; God (and HusbandnowDad) took care of us. That baby is now four years old! She’s smart, brave, sweet, funny, and a wonderful big sister.
by Ashley Bowler
For Pondering and Prayer
When have you been forced to let your plan go? How has releasing control of your plans helped you in your spiritual journey? What miracles or lessons have become obvious from God’s redirection of your plans?
Prayer: Dear Lord, try as we might to control our lives, in the end, it’s all up to You. We need to remember that with all the plans we make, Your purpose or message will make itself known no matter what. Help us accept Your changes in our itinerary with open hearts and open minds to know Your grace and know You will take care of us. Amen.
