29 Don’t let any foul words come out of your mouth. Only say what is helpful when it is needed for building up the community so that it benefits those who hear what you say.
Reflection
The subject for this week, the first week in Lent, is “whose voices matter in our lives?” For today our focus is specifically “what voices are harmful to you?” My immediate response is “words that are judgmental” or as the CEB translates this verse “foul words.” I am totally offended by comments that are judgmental, especially those words that attack another’s ethnicity, sexuality, language, economic status, etc. You get the picture. Comments that belittle the “other” person. When I hear people being judgmental of others I immediately go into “mama bear” protective-mode. Voices that are judgmental trigger something in me, and, while those comments may not be directed at me personally, they feel harmful to our society, our
community, our country, and our world.
I grew up in a household where we were taught “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” A second guideline was “think before you speak.” I was taught to seek more information about things that were important to me, things that really mattered to me, things that affected me emotionally. I can’t recall my mother having a harsh word for anyone. As I matured, my approach to building relationships with others was to take my time getting to know people.
I am a firm believer that people should listen to what others have to say. I find it wise to hold back on sharing your thoughts or opinions until you have learned more about the situation. I really despise it when people judge others without knowing much, if anything, about where the other person is coming from. I believe in giving people a second chance. Ephesians 4:29 is
a basic guide for responding to someone when you are having a conversation, especially when you might not agree, or be sure where you stand, with what he or she has said.
The NRSV translates this as “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.” I love that translation. “Foul Language” sounds harmless whereas “Evil Talk” is filled with anger and judgment. “Foul Language” sounds innocent whereas “Evil Talk” has a hidden purpose to belittle another person or group.
When I was a child, I never heard my mother use a “4-letter word.” And we knew that that language was not to be uttered by one of us. As we got older, my mother heard a 4-letter word escape the mouth of one of my siblings and she was horrified. She exclaimed “I’ve only seen that word painted on a bridge underpass! I don’t want to ever hear it again!” Everyone
in the car laughed, but we got the message. From then on none of us used foul language; we would just shout “Bridge Underpass!” The laughter that always erupted when one of us said “bridge underpass” really helped build a feeling of community among the six of us that probably would not have occurred if that experience hadn’t happened.
Ephesians 4:32 closes this chapter with these words: “ 32 Be kind, compassionate, and forgiving to each other, in the same way God forgave you in Christ.” I thank my mother and the church for guiding my life into behaving lovingly toward one another as God cares for each of God’s children.
by Kathleen Stolz
For Pondering and Prayer
What words are harmful to you? Why?
How are you modeling “Only say what is helpful when it is needed for
building up the community so that it benefits those who hear what you say.”
Prayer: God of many names, help us to be open to a variety of cultures and to people who have different life experiences than ours. Guide us in developing new skills to celebrate human differences and to appreciate your Spirit in each one of your children. Amen.
