1 There’s a season for everything
and a time for every matter under the heavens…
7 a time for tearing and a time for repairing,
a time for keeping silent and a time for speaking…
Reflection
We think about tearing down and repairing when we think about building and rebuilding. Usually, we think about building homes or buildings, but as we continue to read the second part of this verse, we can see that it can also be about our relationships. Sometimes we need to tear down something toxic in a relationship and build it back up again. We can choose to say something or to be silent, but if we remain silent about something someone has said or done to hurt us, it may change our relationship if we continue to harbor that hurt and/or anger.
We often hear or may even use the phrase “pick your battles,” and I agree that is true. We all do things that can be annoying to others we are in relationship with, and we all move on from those. These are typically simple things, but what happens when we experience something painful in our relationships? Someone says or does something that is very hurtful to us. Do we just move on and not say anything? When something happens, we sometimes find ourselves in a state of shock and have no response, or we ,may decide we are going to let it go.
But what happens when the hurt continues, and we can’t get rid of it? It affects our relationship with that person and perhaps with others as we sometimes see it bleed over into other areas of our lives. Maybe we intentionally did not say anything because we were worried about what we might say or do in our anger, so we didn’t want to make matters worse. Sometimes we are not in a suitable space to address it. There are any number of reasons we decide not to address a problem, but if after we have lived with it and it is causing us to be angry, hurt, anxious etc., we need to speak up.
The person who caused the hurt may not have understood a painful memory for you or the problem may be a misunderstanding that is easily worked out. It may be something more in depth that causes us to question our relationship and want to tear it down and not put in the effort to rebuild, but it may lead to more understanding and a closer relationship on both sides. How do we discern what we should do? Prayer of course is number one, but speaking to a trusted friend or someone who knows the situation may be helpful.
by Janet Waryck
For Pondering and Prayer
Do you tend to stay silent or are you a person who addresses things directly when they happen? We know that whichever tendency we have, we need to remember that speaking up and being silent both have consequences, and each has their time. Losing relationships can be hard but sometimes it is in our best interest to do so. Sometimes a problem in a relationship can make the relationship stronger if we are willing to work through the hard stuff. We know there is a time and a purpose for both. We just need to trust God in all of them.
Prayer: God of our hearts, please help us to discern when to speak and when to be silent. Help us to know when it is time to end relationships and when it is time to rebuild them. Give us wisdom and strength to do your will. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.
